MY STORY

From Surviving to Rebuilding

My story begins when I was a little girl.

Even then, I knew the world was not always a nice place. I would walk around, look at people, and wonder why they seemed so happy. I never really understood the laughter or the smiles. I was a very closed-in, young, beautiful and intelligent little girl who grew up too fast.

As I got older, I thought maybe life could be different somewhere else.

I became a teenager and moved to Los Angeles. I went to school, lived in Boyle Heights, worked, and learned how to make my way through the city on my own. I didn't have a car. I rode the RTD everywhere. I worked at Ticketmaster at the Wiltern Theatre on Wilshire Boulevard, riding the Montebello bus back and forth to 4th Street.

Those were some of my good times.

Looking back, I think part of me was trying to get away from some of the things I had experienced growing up in Phoenix.

Then I came home, grew up, and became a mother.

That changed everything.

For the first time, I had someone to live for, someone to love, someone to nurture, and someone who needed me. I had someone who loved me no matter what I had been through, no matter what mistakes I had made, and no matter what obstacles life put in front of me.

My daughter made me the mother I am today.

I always thought life would follow the path we are taught to dream about—the marriage, the house, the cars, the bills paid, the white picket fence, and maybe a little pan dulce sitting in the kitchen.

And for a while, I had that.

Then, in the blink of an eye, life changed.

That's when I learned that sometimes your real life begins when the life you thought you were going to have disappears.

I experienced pain, heartbreak, sorrow and loss. I experienced death, and I learned how quickly someone can be here one moment and gone the next.

But I also learned something else.

People believed in me.

Some of those people weren't even family. They were friends. My homegirls. My homeboys. People from the hood. People who simply decided they weren't going to give up on me.

And through everything, my faith carried me.

I was raised by my Nana, and she taught me the meaning of hard work.

She taught me that if I wanted something, I needed to work for it. She taught me how to cook. I was in that kitchen as a little girl, peeling potatoes and garlic and cutting onions with a sharp knife because we didn't have a fancy potato peeler.

And we didn't sit down.

My Nana used to say, “Lazy people sit down.”

So we stood there and worked.

Those lessons stayed with me.

I still love to cook. To me, cooking is an art. I love working. I love people. I love creating. And I've always believed in giving back to my community.

But for many years, I was doing those things while carrying pain in my heart.

I've been part of the lowrider community for years. I've loved the culture, the cars, the people and the music. But for a long time, I was experiencing it through a heart that was still hurting.

Something changed in me over the last few years.

I started healing.

I started wanting to live.

I wanted to be better. I wanted to build. I wanted to create. I wanted to smile and actually mean it.

Today, I can honestly say that my heart feels different.

I'm happier. I'm stronger. I'm more free.

And I thank God every single day for my faith, my strength and my resilience—for everything I've overcome and everything it has taught me.

I've always been a good mother. I've always tried to be a good friend. I've always been that homegirl who shows up.

Loyalty means everything to me.

When I'm down for you, I'm down for you—not a hundred times, but a thousand times. I'm old school. I believe in respect. I'm solid. I'm trustworthy. I tell it like it is. Sometimes I'm probably too brutally honest—but that's me.

I've always been SADGIRLAZ. Crystal Marie.

And today, I'm finally brave enough to tell my story.

Because somewhere out there, there is another woman—or another person—who may feel stuck. Someone who may believe they can't move forward. Someone who may be afraid to start over.

You can.

Rebuilding your life is hard.

But here's the beautiful part:

When you rebuild your life, you get to build it your way.

You get to write your own book.

You get to turn the page.

You get to decide what the next chapter says.

Don't stay in a bad situation just because you're afraid of what comes next. Don't forget yourself while trying to take care of everyone else.

Do everything with love.

Love yourself first. Have faith. Stay strong. Be your own motivator. Be your own biggest cheerleader.

We all have a purpose.

I know I do.

My purpose has always been to give back to my community, share love, and remind people that they are capable of more than they think.

All I really want in this life is peace, love and happiness.

And, of course…

• my oldies. Mis rolas.

Because at the end of the day,
I am the chola that loves her rolas. ❤️🖤

— Crystal Marie
Founder, SADGIRLAZ
Chola Vibes and Gangster Love™

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